I'm the Boss of Me - Leading Your Own Life (c)

2012-01-24T09:13:00.001-08:00

White House communications director Dan Pfeiffer: “First, I would encourage Speaker Boehner to hear the speech before he renders his colorful judgment on it." Great idea!

2012-01-24T09:10:00.001-08:00

White House communications director Dan Pfeiffer: “First, I would encourage Speaker Boehner - What a novel idea to get all information and facts before spouting off!

2012-01-17T15:31:00.001-08:00

Check out my appearance filmed this morning: Schenectady Today

http://ping.fm/xNvxL

2012-01-12T14:12:00.001-08:00

Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still.

2011-12-28T10:18:00.001-08:00

The secret for success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes.

Benjamin Disraeli

2011-12-22T11:51:00.001-08:00

"Gratitude is one of the sweet shortcuts to finding peace of mind and happiness inside. No matter what is going on outside of us, there's always something we could be grateful for." - Barry Neil Kaufman

Be sure to get in touch with gratitude each day

2011-12-21T05:03:00.001-08:00

Peace is not an absence of war, it is a virtue, a state of mind, a disposition for benevolence, confidence, justice.
—Baruch Spinoza
Are you at Peace, this year?

2011-12-16T05:29:00.001-08:00

We're all born with a POWER, and the power is called..."CHOICE"!

2011-12-07T18:06:00.001-08:00

When writing the story of your life - Don't let anyone else hold the pen...because you are the Boss of YOU!

2011-12-07T14:15:00.001-08:00

"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain...and most fools do... but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving."  ~ Dale Carnegie

2011-11-22T17:56:00.001-08:00

Watch your thoughts - they become words
Watch your words - they become action
Watch your actions - they become habits
Watch your habits - they become character
Watch your character - it becomes your destiny

2011-11-20T08:26:00.001-08:00

It is wiser to choose what you say, than say what you choose

2011-11-08T05:02:00.001-08:00

Don't forget to VOTE TODAY! Now, more than ever, you need to exercise your right to have a say!

2011-11-04T06:16:00.001-07:00

Peace...It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still BE CALM IN YOUR HEART. (unknown)
www.gaylelasalle.com

2011-10-28T08:39:00.001-07:00

'Remember to play after every storm!'

2011-10-27T11:33:00.001-07:00

OMG _ Actually snowing in Saratoga Springs

2011-10-23T09:23:00.001-07:00

"Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them - every day begin the task anew."

Saint Frances de Sales

2011-10-21T05:55:00.001-07:00

"A bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn. "
~ Unknown

2011-10-20T03:31:00.001-07:00

Good morning, World! Off to breakfast with the Saratoga Chamber of Commerce. Enjoy!

2011-10-20T03:30:00.001-07:00

It's important to remember we are human "beings" not human "doings" - We all have so much to do - how do you find time to just BE?

2011-10-19T16:31:00.001-07:00

"Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still."
What are you doing to move forward?

2011-10-13T06:06:00.001-07:00

You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you. ~ Sri Ram

2011-10-04T07:38:00.001-07:00

"Change is a choice. So is Success."

What are you choosing today?

2011-10-03T15:07:00.001-07:00

Happiness depends upon ourselves.
Aristotle

2011-10-03T07:37:00.001-07:00

A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.

We are always looking outside our-self for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.

How are you using the 'Bricks of life" to lay your foundation?

That's just the way I am! What a crock!

2011-09-30T10:28:00.000-07:00

How many times have you said "That's just the way I am." I know I have, in the past, and I still hear it from others way too often.

What a thought and change ending statement!

It’s all too easy to blame other people or circumstances for your problems. It's so much easier than taking responsibility. So, we say things like:

I'm just not good with money - so don't blame me for my debt

I just don't know how to trust - so don't blame me for being jealous

I've just never had your energy - so don't blame me when things don't get done

You get the idea.....

It’s easy to focuson some aspect of your personality, view it as unchangeable, shrug your shoulders, and assume that you simply can’t change.

Is that really true?

I think NOT!

Because you are the Boss of YOU!

You are the leader in your own life - if you want to be!

Being a leader in your own life involves taking back responsibility. It means acknowledging that hey, you are the one in control – whether you like it or not.

Being the leader in your own life t means that:

You acknowledge that you can change your behavior – if you’re willing to work hard.
You find ways to get out of tough situations (like being in debt).
You look for solutions to problems which keep cropping up – like being distracted by colleagues.
You get honest with yourself – even when it’s hard – especially when it’s hard!

You are in charge!

While some things in our life have been beyond our control - bad things happen to everyone. Some of our personality has been molded by those things. However, you are in charge of how you mange those things, the power you give them and whether you want to be a victim of them or become a victor over them.

And if you want, you can make changes – both big and small. But first you have to recognize that this is your responsibility. Stop waiting for the time to be right, for the stars to align, for outside circumstances to invite you.

How can you reclaim the leader’s role in your own life?

2011-09-29T08:37:00.001-07:00

"A bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn. "
~ Unknown

2011-09-27T07:39:00.001-07:00

Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can.

www.gaylelasalle.com
http://ping.fm/IBvKB

2011-09-26T08:00:00.001-07:00

"Only those who ask for more can get more and only those who know there is more, ask." -Alan Cohen

www.gaylelasalle.com

http://ping.fm/w4n4i

Everything happens for a reason. Really?

2011-09-23T07:42:00.000-07:00

Everything happens for a reason.

This is a statement we hear from many people; usually when something less than happy is occurring. Someone loses a job and their friend tries to make them feel better by saying “Everything happens for a reason, you’ll see.” Even when the worst, such as the death of a loved one happens, someone will undoubtedly utter those words; “Everything happens for a reason.”

I, for one, don’t believe this. I don’t believe that towns get decimated by a tornado, for a reason. I don’t believe that those we love die, for a reason. I don’t believe that a person who loses a job, loses it for a reason; at least not a reason that is meant to benefit him or her.

Now, if believing this is comforting to some, then who am I to tell them not to believe?

However, I see one downfall to this belief. I’ve seen people wait for the “reason” to be revealed to them. In the meantime, they are unhappy and depressed by their current situation. I also simply can’t believe that some awful things could possibly happen for a reason. For example; could a parent who loses a child to a drunk driver lose that child for a reason, even if the outcome that they can go on to become an advocate against drunk driving? That would just be too incredibly cruel.

There is another way to think about it. From my point of thinking, I am the Boss of ME!

This means that how I respond to both the good and not so good in my life is by my own choice – not some undefined fateful reason.

I believe it is our own determination, actions and motivations that can create a purpose out of the difficult situations in our life. It is all about choices. One can choose to look for the reason or wait for it to be revealed. Or, one can choose to find a purpose – to create a purpose.

From my point of view, the parent who loses a child to a drunk driver chooses to create a purpose but I can’t, just can’t believe that was the reason. The person, who loses a job and decides to create their own business, goes on to be successful did not lose their job for a reason. Rather they made choices that lead them to a better place.

To me, this is more about personal leadership and life choices. I think my outlook is more empowering and life affirming. It takes the thinking as a victim to one who chooses to be a victor over circumstances. It takes us from depending on fate to creating our own future.

As always, I look forward to your comments and ideas.

2011-09-21T06:41:00.001-07:00

"Change is a choice. So is Success."

A Single Hand Over a Single Heart

2011-09-11T07:08:00.000-07:00

As I listen to the pundits and reporters talk about 9/11 and the 10^th anniversary this past week, I find one theme in most remarks. This theme is unity. In my lifetime, I have not seen this country so unified as on that day and the days immediately following. I was in NYC and though far enough uptown as to be physically safe, the atmosphere in this great city was, of course, at first total chaos. However, within hours, the genuine humanity in everyone became apparent. There were extremely long lines to give blood. When my colleague and I went to NYU hospital to volunteer, we were initially told they had more volunteers than they could use. When we shared that we were counselors, they did find they had a need for our services and we spent the rest of the day helping where we could.

I met some amazing people as I volunteered that day. Some of those volunteering lived in the city and simply wanted to do something, anything to help. Others, like myself were from out of town. I was most impressed by a couple that had come to the city for some elective surgery for their son who had a disfigurement. I forget where they were from but it was quite a way and the expenses, I’m sure, where considerable. Instead of any concern for themselves, they took turns staying in their hotel with their child while the other stayed at the hospital helping out. When some of the other volunteers found out I was from out of town, they assumed I was stuck there and had no place to stay. I had more than one offer to stay with them for as long as it took. I did have a hotel room but their generosity was heartwarming.

Strangers on the street would stop to talk to or hug someone crying. The next morning when a NYC fire truck passed by, there was spontaneous applause. There were many more examples but I think I’ve made the point.

Just as important, was the unity of our lawmakers. Suddenly, for a little while there seemed little difference between the parties. We were simply all Americans. Every year on the anniversary, this year in particular, there is talk of unity.

Yet, at this moment in time, in general, there seems to be less unity than in a long time. There seems to be a good deal vitriol, blame and name-calling. Today, at the dedication of the 9/11 Memorial in Shanksburg, PA. where some amazingly brave men and women lost their lives, Former President Bush said some powerful things. He stated that “We have a duty to find common purposes as a nation.” and “We should not be defined by our disagreements.” How I wish this sentiment could last for more than a few days.

This country has an ability to come together in times of crisis. We did this for a short time last January when Congresswoman Giffords was shot and other injured or killed. My question: why must it take a crisis to unify us and why do we seem to forget so quickly that we are, as former President Bush said that we are a “Single hand over a single heart”

I’m not saying that everyone should agree. This would not be a democracy if we didn’t have the freedom to disagree and sometimes do so with passion. However, at times, it seems that there is more investment in simply being right than in doing right.

I know that there is only so much we can do about others behaviors, even those in government. But, in the spirit of “I’m the Boss of ME!”, each one of us can begin to look at our own behaviors, biases and really pay attention to the words that come out of our mouths. As I’ve said in other posts: It is important to:

Say what you mean…

Mean what you say…

BUT,

NEVER be mean when you say it!

Let’s each one of us take responsibility for ourselves and act as a model for others, not just on an important anniversary, but everyday.

What does WEALTH mean to you?

2011-09-09T10:01:00.000-07:00

Money has been on my mind lately. To be honest, it is more than partly due to the fact that I’ve never been good with managing money and with a new business, I’m needing to pay much more attention to it than before – no more good paycheck coming every two weeks. So, I’m not about to give a lecture on how money doesn’t count in being happy. I’d be more than happy to have enough to know that I can pay all my bills, all the time.

But, the question from there what is real wealth and what is it’s purpose? Certainly there is an official definition of wealth.

BusinessDictionary.com defines wealth as:

“Tangible or intangible thing that makes a person, family or group better off.”

Ok, so now we need to define being better off. I’m quite sure this means different things to different people. A young person with a family might consider better off to mean having a home, cars and money to send their children to college. An older person may consider it to be able to retire with some degree of comfort. And, others may consider it the ability to afford all sorts of luxury.

I think these term – wealth and “better off’ tend to change with our situations. I know for me, I tended to think of it in terms of having things – being able to shop.

I attended a workshop last night that helped me realize that it means more (or perhaps, less) to me than I thought. During a meditation process – I generally don’t do this but more about that another time – I had the chance to realize, that at least at this moment, wealth and money means safety. I didn’t envision a lot of things. Rather, I envisioned my home and the comfort of being there. I envisioned the ability to let go of fear that an unexpected expense would be a huge challenge. I believe I will feel better off when my business is bringing in enough money to let me have a cushion for emergencies and not worry about next month.

Once I’m at this point, will my definition of wealth and being better off expand. Probably! I’d love to travel. I’d love to do things for friends and family. And, yes, I’d love to be able to have some more “things”.

What I did learn though is the “things’ feel good, for a bit. They do make me happy but they don’t make me feel safe. Believe it, for me, that’s a pretty big ah-ha! So, I’m committing myself to a new definition of wealth and being better off. Because being the Boss of ME! means taking charge of my life. Despite my resistance, taking charge of my money is part of this process.

I’m interested to know from you, my readers:

· How do you define wealth?

· Has your definition changed over the years?

· When will you have "enough"?

Living Well by Doing Well: or making money while making a difference

2011-09-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

As I've built my new business, I found myself experiencing some conflict between my mission; "Helping others realize their ability to make choices and allow themselves to thrive rather than simply survive." and my personal desire to thrive spiritually and physically and monetarily - living well with nice things, travel, etc.

In talking with my best friend the other evening - talking to your best friend over a glass of wine can bring many great insights - I realized I don't need to sacrifice my creature comforts in order to help others. In fact, I can live well by doing well.

A wonderful coach I've been working with has a fabulous philosophy that I'm working to adopt. I know I have a message that others need. Or, in my coaches terms, I have medicine that can help others. It is, then, my responsibility to share this message. But, I don't have to be a pauper to do so. My message (or medicine) has a value and I am learning that it's ok to ask to be paid for this.

It's such a great feeling to realize that the two above concepts are not mutually exclusive. Because, I really do like to do good but I also really like to live well.

And, now I know I can do both!

Need a Theme Song

2011-07-30T14:11:00.001-07:00

Ok - I need your help. I want to choose a theme song for my message - I have a few ideas:

Born this Way _ Lady GaGa
Firework - Lady GaGa
Just Stand Up - Beyonce
...Get on Your Feet - Gloria Estefan

Which do you like best? Any other suggestions?

2011-05-23T10:37:00.001-07:00

Imagine if you partnered with the doctors who created Proactiv® Solution and transformed the acne market…

We are now doing for aging skin what they did for acne,
Currently interviewing for dynamic, entrepreneurial Men and Women to join our business as we grow.

If you are ready to start calling your own shots and your own destiny, let’s talk and see if this is a fit for you. This business is not for everyone, and if it is not a fit for you, that is perfectly fine, Perhaps you can direct me to the perfect person.

To schedule a phone interview, contact me and I will contact you to set up a time to talk and learn more about you and if Rodan and Fields Dermatologists is a fit for you.

Have a wonderful day and I look forward to working with you and helping your goals and dreams become a reality

Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain. - Author Unknown

2011-05-15T13:29:00.000-07:00

I've been reading so many comments on Facebook, today, on the rain, most of which are unhappy and wishing it away. I know that I don't have to remind everyone that we need rain and I also don't have to remind myself that several days of rain in a row can become annoying. And, of course, for those with outdoor plans, it can be plain unpleasant.

What I do want to remind everyone is that there's absolutely NOTHING we can do about it. So, we come to my favorite topic - what choice do you have?

In the midst of all the complaining one friend posted; "lovely, rainy Sunday". So why does this friend find the rain lovely when many are so very unhappy? And, NO she's not crazy - I know her well! However, she is an optimist which I believe has made her successful and a great person to be around.

So when you have no choice - over the rain or anything else, what is your ultimate choice. You can find beauty; you can even find solace and in the worst cases you can dig deep and find some way to deal with it - or of course, you can simply complain a lot. It really is up to you whether you are happy with most situations or miserable. I don't know about you but I choose happy and I'm learning to surround myself with others who think the same. And, then, I look forward to the rainbow!

What about YOU?

2011-05-09T07:22:00.001-07:00

Happiness is not a matter of events, it depends upon the tides of the mind.
Alice Meynell

I AM the Boss of Me - Avoiding negativity by taking responsiblity!

2011-05-08T16:46:00.000-07:00

For quite some time now, I’ve been observing that some people seem intent on being negative, certainly finding the absolute worst in any challenging event and sometimes even in the face of what others may see as good news. This could be something as simple as a co-worker not saying hello one morning. A negative person interprets this as the person being rude or personalizing it to the extent of anger, frustration and even fear if the co-worker is a supervisor. Recently, I’ve seen this in just about everything in the news and politics. One simply needs to read comments on facebook to see how many people spend an inordinate amount of time complaining, criticizing and just generally being naysayers on every and any topic.

At times, I’ve had the opportunity to attempt to encourage more positive thinking – or, at least, more critical thinking where the pros and cons are considered before developing a conclusion. I’ve been amazed at the number of people who are not even willing to consider this but seem married to their initial negative interpretation.

My curiosity has taken me to doing some research on why some people are so incredibly negative. Research clearly shows that attitudes and behaviors are based on some sort of reward. So, what’s in it for them to stay so negative?

There are a lot of theories put forth. Some say fear, which is certainly a reality in today’s world, is the culprit. And, we cannot ignore the fact that the media and some politicians are too often a part in the fear mongering. Some say it’s the lack of education but I’ve known well-educated people who find fault with most everything. There is some research to support the idea that negativity is bred by a person’s low self-image or a sense of having little control over his or her own lives. These are valid and can be addressed in long-term therapy.

However, after all my exploration, I find one common thread in those that seem to be stuck in their own negativity. This is inability or unwillingness take responsibility for their life, circumstances or goals. Now, I’m not saying that there aren’t outside events that impact each one of us. I’m not for a moment, saying life is fair all the time, or, that for some, much of the time. What I am saying is that those who are willing to take, at least some responsibility – even if it’s only to explore choices in the difficult times, tend to be less negative. I heard a man say of the flood that had ravaged his home how he chose to live next to the river, how he knew this was a possibility and how he still wanted to live there. I’m sure he wasn’t thrilled that many of his belongings were destroyed but he didn’t rail against the river, the government who didn’t do something to protect him or anyone else.

People who tend to be negative are not bad people. Rather, being negative, blaming others for unhappiness is definitely easier, if not particularly productive. To complain about things without taking any action to make a difference is ultimately a cop out on personal responsibility. They then perpetuate their own misery and unfortunately, impose it on those around them. Often, we cannot change others who are perpetually negative, but when we find ourselves heading there – and we all go there, occasionally – we can refocus. We can remember that we may not be able to change what has happened, what others do, or some of life’s less fair events, but we can ALWAYS choose how we respond to those things. We can empower ourselves to take charge where we can and then do so.

Bias VS Critical Thinking

2011-05-02T17:12:00.001-07:00

”“One should perform his deeds for the benefit of mankind with an unbiased approach because of bias gives birth to evil, which creates thousands of obstacles in our path.

It, unfortunately, never seems to fail that important events, positive or negative, brings out the worst in some people. These are people who are able to find evil in everything - always looking for a way to disparage those against whom they have bias. I saw this when Congresswoman Giffords was shot. Some took this as an opportunity to complain about everything and take shots at all politicians. I'm so sad to be seeing this again today. There are those who join Donald Trump in actually challenging the veracity of the reports of Bin Laden's death. There are those who find ways to criticize President Obama and anyone with whom the don't agree.

As someone who was in NYC on that fateful day, I must admit to some satisfaction in the death of Bin Laden. I'm also aware that this is not the end of our problems with security. What I do know is that if this event gives even a moment of closure to those who lost loved ones then there is some positive. I also know that, as this does not create safety for all of us, the closure for those people will be temporary as their loss is life long and the death of Bin Laden doesn't change that.

There is no right or wrong in this situation. Each person will respond differently, based on their experiences, beliefs and values. Most importantly, I'm concerned and so very saddened by those who don't recognize that their beliefs and values are not absolute and put more focus on being right than on learning, listening and respect for those that may think differently. These are the people who are jeopardizing our country and our future.

2011-05-01T06:05:00.001-07:00

Every job is a self-portrait of the person who does it. Autograph your work with excellence. ~Author Unknown

How do you autograph your work to show its' excellence?

2011-04-29T16:44:00.001-07:00

If you haven't the strength to impose your own terms upon life, you must accept the terms it offers you.
T. S. Eliot
How are you taking responsibility for your life today?

New Beginnings

2011-04-24T17:12:00.000-07:00

This is the time of year when there are many new beginnings. As Easter and Passover celebrate new beginnings, rain seems to clean the earth. Flowers and trees are ready to bloom. This makes it a good time for each of us to dust ourselves off from the winter and take a fresh look at our life and our choices. Think of it, perhaps, as a self pruning.

Are there relationships that are weighing you down or holding your back? Can those relationships be improved or do you need to rethink the value they have in your life? This can be friendships, jobs or other connections. You don't necessarily have to abandon those relationships but you may want to redefine them.

Are there things you do that are no longer benefiting you? Do you do them just because someone else expects you to? Do you do them because you've always just done them? Are there things you'd like to do that you aren't finding the time to do? By pruning out the things that no longer fit, you'll be able to do other things that are important.

This type of exploration can be a challenge. Pruning out things in your life that don't fit anymore - just like getting rid of that very comfortable sweater that just doesn't fit - can be difficult, even painful, at times. There will be ambivalence and perhaps, even, grief. Letting go is rarely easy. Don't ignore those feelings. Honor them and then get some help, if you need. When I need to prune my closet, I invite a friend over; one who doesn't have the same emotional attachment and yes, someone who can be just a bit brutally honest. The same holds true when making other difficult decisions.

Most importantly, remember that when you turn the page on things that aren't working you open the door for more productive and exciting endeavors. What do you need to let go of? What new beginnings are you looking forward to?

2011-04-18T17:57:00.001-07:00

"Negative thoughts that are allowed to fester only become greater than their actuality." Gayle LaSalle

2011-04-18T17:54:00.001-07:00

"I really cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure - It's this - Try to please everyone."
Bernard Meltzer

Not being able to govern events, I govern myself. ~Michel de Montaigne

2011-04-17T16:30:00.000-07:00

I like this quote as it addresses two of my favorite concepts; choices and personal responsibility.

No matter how hard we try or how often we take the high road; treating others with respect, playing fair and working from a place of integrity; there are always going to be those who do the opposite. At those times, it's so very easy to behave in ways that are not with our actual values. It's also easy to blame the other person for why we behaved that way.

So, when faced with such situations we have a difficult choice. Do we sink to the depths of someone else’s behaviors or do we stay on the high road!

An example:

We all experience set backs in life. Some of the most difficult are the ones where someone we trust, love or care about, lets us down in a bit way. The way we deal with these setbacks will have a great impact on our Self Improvement and success.

It’s critical to remember that it is not the actual obstacles and problems themselves that determine our results. What really matters is how we react and respond to our obstacles and problems.

Sometimes we hold on to challenges as an excuse to not move forward in life. Sometimes we just can’t let go out of pride or anger and a need to be right or at least justified.

Please note, there is no suggestion that you should give in to another’s unrealistic or unfair demands or that you should not assert your rights. However, is important to know what it is you’re standing up for and why. Are you really standing up for your rights or are you more focused on being right or winning?

How do you stay on that high road and be true to yourself and your sense of integrity. Maintaining the high road does not mean giving in or losing. Rather:

You really will be the winner in any situation!

2011-04-14T04:11:00.001-07:00

From the original great critical thinking...
Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it. ~Buddha

Take what you need and leave the rest!

2011-04-10T14:55:00.000-07:00

The past week has been one of introspection, for me. About this time last Sunday I found out a "cousin" of mine (I'm divorced from his actual cousin but I kept the better family members) had passed from cancer. He was a warm, caring and unique individual. Herbie will be sorely missed by so many. While this certainly was an important moment - another reminder that life holds few promises for the future - it's what followed that really got me thinking.

I went to the funeral on Monday and back to his brother's home. This meant going back to my hometown where I have not been in quite some time. I saw people I haven't seen in many years. It brought back memories and not many good ones - at first. I've spend many years "getting over" some less than great things from my childhood. Because of that, I think those memories clouded over some much better ones. Someone shared with me a funny story about my mom. It's been awhile since I've thought of my mother as funny. On the trip home, I began thinking of other things that were positive about her. She was funny. She was smart and before the drinking, she was very classy. Sometimes, as I get older, I realize how much I look like her. I realize how much I sound like her. As I drove home, I realized that I didn't have to throw out the good memories or keep trying so hard not to be like her. I don't have to allow the negative to define me. In fact while it's my responsibility to learn from her mistakes and work not to repeat them in my life, it's as much my responsibility to keep the good memories alive. I realized I could keep those positive things and still be my own person - creating my own strengths and owning my own shortcomings. This will not be easy after so many years of focusing on not being like her. But, I will work to keep the good and leave the rest. And, I will work to share those good things with others, including my daughter and grand daughters when I have the opportunity.

If anyone has similar feelings or experiences, I'd very much like to hear from you.

2011-03-30T04:30:00.001-07:00

"If you don't run your own life, somebody else will."
John Atkinson

How are you taking charge of your life today?

2011-03-29T05:00:00.001-07:00

"When we have begun to take charge of our lives, to own ourselves, there is no longer any need to ask permission of someone."
George O'Neil

"When we blame, we give away our power" Greg Anderson

2011-03-27T18:28:00.000-07:00

I talk, often, about personal power and personal responsibility. Yet, I'm sure we all know that person who hasn't made a mistake that wasn't caused by someone else. They may even apologize for the mistake. However, the apology is usually followed up by an explanation or even blame for the action that happened in the first place.

I had this happen this past week. I'd been having what I'd like to call a spirited philosophical debate with a co-worker. I'll be the first to admit that there were some things I needed to own up to and I did - without blame and with a plan to fix those things. However, during our discussions, my co-worker said some things that were simply mean and unnecessary. Not being one to overlook such things, I called him on it. He did, eventually apologize. However, he proceeded to say "but, you made me frustrated."

So, in other words, it wasn't really his responsibility for being mean, it was mine? I don't think so! It was his frustration. It was his responsibility to manage it. Of course, the part of this that is important, to me, is that I don't take responsibility for the behavior of others. Unfortunately, what's unfortunate for my co-worker is that he gave away his power, to me. He may truly believe that I caused his behavior. Not only don't I have this kind of power - to cause others' behaviors - I don't want that power - nor will I accept it!

My co-worker is not the only person who does this. Too many people have fallen into this trap. Some of us may do this occasionally or at least be tempted to blame others. When we blame someone else for something we did, it may feel good for awhile. It may seem to exonerate us. What it doesn't allow us to do is grow or improve. In addition, the negative impact it has on interpersonal relationships is incalculable.

Most importantly, we give away our power - and - sometimes to someone we don't really like or perhaps respect. Personally, taking responsibility for my own behaviors seems to be a small price to pay for hanging on to my own power. How about you!

2011-03-17T04:24:00.001-07:00

Don't write your name in the sand for waves to wash away, or in the sky for
winds to blow away but instead in the hearts ♥ of those you touch where
it forever stays..

"Actions have consequences...first rule of life. And the second rule is this: You are the only one responsible for your own actions." - Holly Lisle

2011-03-13T09:26:00.000-07:00

We probably all know that person who never makes a mistake that wasn't someone else's fault. When ever there is a problem, they can easily tell you why someone else is responsible, even though it was their actions that actually created the problem. Accepting the consequences is just not in their repertoire.

As with all actions there are pros and cons. Of course, for the person who continually blames, the pro is comfort in never taking responsibility and having to accept the consequences. Of course, the con is the consequence of not taking responsibility. Those consequences can be varied such as damaged relationships, lack of credibility and lack of trust, by those who count. Most importantly, is the denying oneself the opportunity to grow and learn. Only by admitting a mistake, taking responsibility for the outcome and vowing to improve, do we allow ourselves to become the best we can be.

2011-03-08T19:35:00.001-08:00

“I don’t know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future.”
– Oprah Winfrey

Take the High Road - There's usually less traffic there!

2011-03-06T12:58:00.000-08:00

"Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."

Ambrose Bierce

I've been having difficulty with this one lately. I seem to be easily irritated with small things that just seem so petty - and some things that are not at all petty. Yet, I know when I respond to them with anger and frustration, I'm likely being just as petty or, at least, say things I'd like to take back later. So, I've been making it a point to hold my tongue - or at least trying my best - after all, I'm not nearly perfect. I don't know about you but when I'm angry the first thing to abandon me is my logic. I need to wait for it to return before I express myself. Sometimes, with the more petty things, after a bit of time, I decide to let them go. Other times, I decide the issue must be addressed. In any case, I tend to be more rationale and get more accomplished when I come from a place of logic and not anger.

Just as importantly I tend to like myself better when I do this and that in itself is a great reason to take the high road. gl

My Darling Keefe,

2011-02-28T05:28:00.000-08:00

2/28/11

My Darling Keefe,

I’m missing you today, more than usual. So many memories! Most days my memories sustain me – today they are making me sad. Today they simply aren’t filling the void of you. Yesterday would have been your birthday – today, would have been our anniversary. How has so much time gone by when, often, it seems like yesterday that you were here with me?

My life, as it must, goes on. Yet, on days like today I realize that a part of me remains behind with you. There is a piece of me that simply cannot, will not let go. Still, I am so grateful for our love – a love I had spent much time thinking would never happen for me. I remember what Dania told me years ago that I’d found something some never find. I found you. In that I found a life sustaining love. So, my darling, today, I will allow myself to wallow – just a bit, in the sorrow of losing you, of living without you. But tomorrow – as you would have expected of me – I will wake and find my gratitude again – my gratitude for so many things but mostly the love we shared that has allowed me to become who I am – who I want to be – and who I will continue to be. Thank you, my love, for all you were and all you helped me become.

“What though the radiance which was once so bright,

be forever taken from my sight,

though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass,

of glory of the flower,

We will grieve not,

rather find strength in what remains behind”

Love YOU, Gayle

“When we get too caught up in the busyness of the world, we lose connection with one another - and ourselves” Jack Kornfield

2011-02-20T13:08:00.000-08:00

This quote caught my eye as I've become aware of the lack of connection people have in public these days. Are we so busy that we can't look up from our electronic devices to see where we are going? Or, at least could we stop walking for a moment while we check those devices? Recently, there was a video of a woman falling into a mall fountain as she checked her phone messages. Really, what was that important and where was she going in such a rush that she couldn't stop for a moment? Not long ago, someone walked right up the back of my leg as he stared down at his phone and hadn't noticed I'd stopped. I stopped as people in front of me had stopped - only I was actually looking where I was going. And, he had the nerve to get annoyed at me.

Everywhere we go, there are people talking on the phone, seemingly unaware of the fact that many of use don't really want to know that much about their lives. I can't believe they don't care that others know they are having an argument or making personal plans. Some can't even put their phone down long enough to check out at the store. I'm not sure who is being more disrespected; the clerk with whom the person can't even take the time to make eye contact - much less say thank you to or the person they are talking to. And, lastly who hasn't been talking to someone on the phone when it becomes clear that they are on the computer at the same time. I know one man who has a blue-tooth in his ear at all times - even when having dinner with friends. Really, who is that important they must be available all every moment?

Perhaps, I'm just not getting it as I remember a time when we actually had to call people back if they were not home. There were no answering machines. Letters came in the mail. When's the last time you got a hand written note from a friend - or sent one? One could sit and have a cup of coffee without someone's purse or pocket ringing - and all too often they answer it - as if the person with them just isn't very important.

Don't get me wrong. I have a computer - I'm writing on it right now. I have an android phone and like the advantages of instant communication when needed - and appropriate. However, I like looking at the things and people around me when I'm out and about. I find the world an interesting place. I imagine what people are missing who are walking around life only looking down. I've been known to hit "ignore" on my phone if I'm with a friend or in a restaurant. I can call back - few things in life will come to a crashing end, if someone waits a bit for me. I know, for the most, part neither I nor the issue, at hand, are that important and can't wait.

What concerns me most, is the personal connections that are lost. Technology that is supposed to help us better communicate, has too often, limited our connections. Research shows that we are not as able to multitask as we think. So when we are clicking away at our computer while talking to a friend, we are not really paying full attention. I think my friends deserve better than that and so do I. Now, when I realize the person I'm speaking to is doing something else, I suggest we speak when they have more time. Texting is great when we're running late to meet a friend but if the message takes more than two quick text messages, why not pick up the phone and talk. Technology, no matter how great, cannot translate tone of voice or emotions. Besides, if you are my friend, I just really like hearing your voice. It is so much more personal!

So, I'm asking again, what is so important that you can't talk to someone you care about, without distraction; give even strangers the respect of your attention or actually take a moment to notice the world around you?

All comments welcome and requested~~~ gl

A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”

2011-02-13T06:35:00.000-08:00

With Valentine's day this week, this seems like an appropriate topic to discuss. All the advertisements on TV, in the papers and magazines, right now, are focused on love and romance. This is great and very important in romantic relationships. However, romance without friendship is generally not long lasting. In addition, some of our friendships are as important as any romance. I've had both and was immensely blessed to be in love with a best friend. From this experience, I truly learned the above. From other, less positive experiences, I've learned that not all "friends" are able to do the above.

Romance, like friendship, is not perfect. I doubt anyone or any relationship meets that standards of our perfect dreams. Rather we are all fallible humans with strengths and weaknesses. True love, whether romantic or platonic comes when we see our friend for all they are; when we accept their failings and celebrate their strengths. This doesn't mean we don't help them improve when appropriate. It means we love them, perhaps even more, when they need it most and realize the positives outweigh the not so great. Otherwise, are really really being a friend?

Of course, I couldn't write something that doesn't make a connection to our personal choices. So how do you choose your friends? Do you actually choose your friends by thinking of the above? What does friendship and love mean to you?

2011-02-12T14:53:00.001-08:00

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about CREATING YOURSELF! What are you doing to create the you, you want to be?

2011-02-11T07:02:00.001-08:00

Vast Majority of Americans Unaware of Improvements in Mental Health Coverage http://ping.fm/wffDw

Lost Lives: The Illusion of Rules: by Darrell G. King

2011-02-06T19:04:00.000-08:00

The concept of life choices and how they impact all we do, is the focus of all I write and teach. Today, I'd like to share with your something written by one of my "Counseling Theory" students. He has captured the essence of my core beliefs in a very creative manner. As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome and encouraged.

Lost Lives: The Illusion of Rules
by Darrell G. King

A friend asked me if I would write something related to my thoughts of how we treat parts of our life as a game. Especially about how we set and relate to the rules of that game. Or something like that. I had to laugh, as I can't really think of much that we do that isn't relevant to a project like that. Where to start? How to select one game from so many that we play? What do they all have in common that would allow me to express what I see?

Illusion

Aren't the rules all illusion? Of course they are. Rules are a way to create an environment within which we can perform certain actions, pursue certain goals, and justify certain conduct. The environment isn't "real" unless the observer agrees to the rules. It is an illusion, having substance only within the mind of those who have opted in to the game.

Read that again. Then think about it for a moment. How many times have you considered yourself "trapped" in a situation that was causing you discomfort, or even pain? Were the walls real, or did you make them by agreeing to the rules of that situation? Were you really being hurt by something/someone...or were you twisting the knife yourself in accordance with the rules of some unchallenged illusion?

Consider a common situation where John Human in an unhappy work environment stumbles through day after day with no real consideration of exploring alternatives. The boss is hateful, the work is deadly boring, and the workplace is unsafe and depressing.

John's entire life, home and work, is nothing but a dreary, gray haze of unhappiness. Yet, what can be done? After all, the John has responsibilities...perhaps a family, financial debts, people who depend on him...not to mention the need for food and shelter.

He has thought about maybe looking elsewhere for different work, but isn't it all the same? Except for the "lucky" ones, of course...the ones who had more opportunity, or better education, or just better luck...

John has built his own prison! He is the one responsible for his situation. He made the rules up, or he adopted someone else's rules. Voluntarily. Because there's no other way.

People don't usually get forced to obey a rule...ask any criminal, or any child with a hand in the cookie jar. People accept the rules...they agree to be bound by them.

John accepts the rule that he doesn't have the resources to change his situation.

John accepts the rule that his responsibilities allow him no freedom of choice.

John accepts the rule that only "other people" can do the things that would make his own life richer.

John has chosen a path of depression and unhappiness for himself by refusing to challenge the situation. Even worse, John is wasting his life! He is alive now, today...yet he passes each day away as though his life weren't going to start until some hypothetical point further along, when things get "better".

It's not hard to compare John's problems to other situations. A lover pining for a lost romance, or a child waiting to "grow up"...or parents waiting for the children to grow up! Yet, how often is the problem simply a matter of having accepted the Rules of this particular Game?

"I can't be happy without him!"

"I can't afford to quit!"

"I don't have the education to do anything else!"

"I'm too tired to think about it."

"I can't be happy because..."

All rules, all made up by someone...all accepted as Law when they are, in fact, only illusion. They may be descriptive of some part of the game they belong to, but they are still illusion. Stated definitively, as though they were immutable conditions of living, the rules gain all their power from the mind that obeys them.

There may be consequences to throwing out a rule, but it's important to realize that it can be discarded. The illusion of the game is usually the loss of choice.

We play the game of office politics because "we need to," because "we need our job," because "we have responsibilities," because "that's the way it's done"...

There are indeed obligations and necessities in life that we need to consider. The question is not whether action needs to be taken, but rather whether one is considering all the possible options...or have some been arbitrarily ruled out as being "against the rules"?

Have you ever decided a certain course of action was not possible, only to see someone else succeed at it? Was that other person really better equipped, or did you just create an obstacle for yourself that they didn't have to deal with?

This is the nature of Illusion: that it exists only within your mind. The rule is not real, the game is not real, and even the problems that weigh so heavily on your mind are probably not real. They may be based on real circumstances, but the power to dispense unhappiness or depression, or to set limits, exists only within your own mind.

Some rules may be beneficial, or useful, or fun...so keep them. Just realize that you kept them...it was your choice. They were created from within your mind, and they exist for only as long as you allow them to do so.

As an example, there is one rule, one illusion, that I personally find offensive above all others. It is the rule that one can not be happy "because...". It's the biggest fantasy of all, as it leads to depression, lack of motivation, and subverts all efforts of that individual to live their lives in a fulfilled manner.

It creates the barriers that prevent it from being questioned...a self-fulfilling nightmare that many people embrace and never even question!

Happiness is a state of mind!

It is not a commodity that can be bought, or a possession that can be stolen. It is not dependent upon another person's presence, or life, or death; it is not an embedded part of any of our games.

It belongs to every person as a birthright, and is obtainable at any time. It's yours irrevocably...just reach out and take it!

Although you may have been taught that various obstacles can bar you from the simple state of happiness, I invite you to look around yourself someday and actively seek out evidence to the contrary. Watch for smiles on the faces of people with little or no money, and watch for optimism in people subjected to misfortune. You'll find examples if you bother to try that might just make you wonder if you want to play the old games anymore...

It is possible that you are setting yourself limits that really don't exist outside your illusion. So, just out of curiousity, let's play a new game today. The rules are simple:

We will question every obstacle we think we see before us.

We will agree not to accept any rule just because "it's a rule".

We will agree that any change to our emotional state is something we did ourselves.

The goal of the game is to achieve a state where we are in control of when we will be happy or sad, motivated or depressed. We will decide what affects our mood today. We will live by a rule because we accept it, and not because we never questioned it.

Maybe, we will gain our lives back. It's just a game...what have you got to lose?

Darrell King owns and operates The Web Center, a full-service website design and consulting company in upstate New York.

The Life of Games
No. 2 (April 2000)
©2000 Kadon Enterprises, Inc.

"Freedom is Nothing Else but a Chance to be Better" - Albert Camus

2011-01-30T19:12:00.000-08:00

I recently attended an event where people were discussing the concept of freedom. Not all, but several wanted to discuss what others should be doing to promote our freedoms. While there may be some merit in these comments, the point that is being missed, is that we have relatively little control over what others do, think or believe. We do have total control over what we do, think and believe. In fact, it's pretty much all we have control over.

Are you living your life by conscious choice? Do you start each day thinking how can I do things better? Because all change starts with each of us - no matter what that change is you'd like to see. So, this week (and hopefully the next ones, as well) you will think, each day, what can I do better than I've done before.

If each of us do this, just think how much better things could be!

To decide, to be at the level of choice,

2011-01-23T07:22:00.000-08:00

"To decide, to be at the level of choice, is to take responsibility for your life and to be in control of your life." Abbie M Dale

Note: I posted this some time ago and think that it is worth posting again. I hope you will think about this and respond with some of your thoughts. gl

______________

One of the freedoms we all have is to make choices. We make choices every day. We choose whether to eat well or grab that donut. We choose whether to go to the gym or home right after work.

I know one of the first choices I make is whether to obey the alarm clock or hit the snooze. As with every other choice we make, there are both benefits and consequences to this choice. I won’t lie; I often choose to hit the snooze – sometimes more than once. I like my sleep and I think I’ve made my bed a bit too comfortable. So, there’s the benefit. I’m happy for the moment – cozy in the cocoon of my bed. Oh, but there are often consequences.

Most of the time, the consequence is simply a need to rush around; I don’t get to eat breakfast or I may rush the dog on his last trip outside – which, of course, I may pay for later – especially if I’m in such a rush that I forget to leave out the “pee pad”.

Other days, the consequence may be not attending a meeting that may have resulted in great ideas, leads or connections. I learned this the other day, when I made the opposite choice – after some deliberation – to get up and get to the meeting. It was once of the most productive meetings I’ve attended. The consequences of not going may not have been apparent to me but would have been considerable.

The good thing about these every day choices is that we can learn from them and choose to make a different choice tomorrow. Most of them are clear and fairly easy to know which one we “should” make.

Other choices are not so clear or nearly so easy. It’s difficult to see emotions as choices. When someone else does something or something we can’t control happens, we struggle to see our choices. But we do have choices. We choose how to respond. That choice will impact how we ultimately feel. Yes, it’s easy to think that anger, hurt or bitterness is someone else’s fault and therefore their responsibility. It’s hard to see how we control our choices in such situations. In fact, too often, we unconsciously prefer to feels powerless to choose because with choice comes responsibility; responsibility for how we act, how we treat others and what we say.

How many times have you heard someone say, “I wouldn’t have done/said that if….” and then blame someone else for what they did or said? At the extreme is the person who says something mean or even hits and then blames the person they hurt. “I wouldn’t have hurt you if you hadn’t…” as if there’d been no choice; no other way to respond. Of course there is a choice and devoid of a mental illness, we all have choices.

With those choices come the responsibility for our actions and the consequences of those actions. On the other hand, with choices comes so much freedom. I like the freedom of “being the boss of me” enough to take the responsibility.

What about you?

“Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.”

2011-01-16T08:28:00.000-08:00

After the horrific event in Tucson last week, there has been so much discussion on the way we think, the way we communicate and the vitriolic messages that have been too endemic of recent. While this is an important conversation and a much needed one, it’s also important to recognize that it’s not a new one. Rather, it’s an age old issue.

Martin Luther King, Jr. asked us many years ago to THINK!
Yes, we all think but it’s the quality of thinking that’s being questioned now. If one truly uses critical thinking, so much of the name calling, blaming and hurtful comments would not exist.

The Miriam Dictionary defines critical thinking as “Exercising or involving careful judgment or judicious evaluation” True critical thinking will use logical thought and empirical facts to develop conclusions, and will ultimately move away from personal biases.

In my role as a college instructor, I discuss and encourage the use of critical thinking. Yet, I’m always amazed and dismayed at the lack of critical thinking by so-called educated people. I’m not just talking about politicians who are currently in the news but in the general public – and yes, sometimes in my own thinking.

So much thinking is based on bias without use of empirical facts. We must remember that opinions are not facts but opinions really must be based on facts; not assumed facts but real facts that have been researched, analyzed and weighed.

To refer back to the quote, by Martin Luther King Jr., too often too many tend to listen to pundits who are espousing their own opinions, opinions that are frequently not based on good critical thinking but on their own agendas, bias and unfortunately distorted views. Too many times, people are looking for that one person who will give them the answers

This kind of thinking is costly and even, at times, dangerous. On the other hand, if we encourage critical thinking, we will increase healthy communication and problem-solving. We will encourage the debate on issues while lessening the attacks on people.

To do this we need to let go of our egotistical need to always be right. We need to do due diligence in exploring all sides of an issue before we draw our conclusions. Most we need to recognize that being right doesn’t mean the “other” is evil.

I hope those who have the privilege and responsibility of national attention will continue to heed this week’s discussion. More importantly, I hope each of us takes personal responsibility for getting all our information before we draw conclusions. Even more important, let’s, each of use, remember to think critically think before we speak or act. To use a quote that I’ve seen but to which I can’t give proper credit:

“Let’s all be the change we wish to see in others”

Blame VS Responsiblity

2011-01-12T18:28:00.000-08:00

As I listen to our President talk tonight at the Memorial event I can only think of one thing, I said the other day....

Blame is self-indulgent - Responsibility is self-empowering!

What are you going to do to take responsibility to make a change in the world? Because, it all starts with each one of us! We should not, cannot wait for others to change first. We should not, cannot talk about what others need to do.

I talk always about being the "Boss of Me" as I am the only one I have control over. So, I vow to start with me. I vow to think before I speak. I vow to .be kinder and less judgemental. One of the great things about this country is our ability to disagree. But I vow to work hard to disagree without being disagreeable. I need to remember that my being right does not require the "other" evil. So, I will try to challenge an idea not a person.

The change we make with our actions, may seem small and insignificant but is that not how change starts? I may not have a large pulpit to speak from. I may not reach huge numbers of people. But I am responsible for what I do, what I say and how I say it. And, if that benefits one person or changes one person's perspective, I'll have had a good day. Most importantly, I'll like the person I see in the mirror just before I go to bed.

2011-01-08T14:34:00.001-08:00

In the wake of today's shooting in Arizona, please let's remember -

Today is NOT a day for taking a political stand but for standing together. That is what will make us strong.

"Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right." Oprah Winfrey

2011-01-01T07:01:00.000-08:00

This quote can apply to so many - from our government to each of us, individually. What we must remember, however that right does not mean perfect - rather let's aim for.....

Progress NOT Perfection!

When we do this, I'm hoping the side effect will be that we are more patient, compassionate and kind to others and even more important with ourselves! What a New Year's resolution that would be!

When Strangling is NOT an option - Take the High Road - There's usually less traffic there!

2010-10-27T18:30:00.000-07:00

It seems we all have a person or situation that just makes us crazy. There's the person with whom we have personality differences with or the person who is intentionally difficult. This can be at work, it can be a relative or someone on a committee on which you volunteer. The craving to respond in kind, when someone else is snarky, is simply human. Yet, this is most often not particularly productive and can often make the situation worse. So, what to do!

The first thing to do is remember that the only thing you can truly control is YOU! Taking the high road will, if nothing else, allow you to be proud of your own behaviors. And...sometimes, it's just what is needed to begin to allow or improve communication.

One thing I do to accomplish this is to remember what the goal is in the situation. Most often, this is not someone you want or need to be friends with - but need to interact with in a group. Staying focused on the common goal of the group, allows me to depersonalize the other person's behaviors and take the high road.

What do you do to take the high road when you really want to strangling is NOT an option?

Speculative Gossip VS Malicious Gossip

2010-10-22T15:50:00.000-07:00

Most organizations or relationships have an informal communication network, which is otherwise known as the grapevine or gossip. Gossip, generally speaking, has a negative connotation. But it also goes by the alias “strategic information sharing,” according to Michael Morris, research psychologist and professor of organizational behavior at Columbia Business School. (Zimmerman, New York Times, Feb. 3, 2008) Information sharing aside, there is a significant difference between the types of gossip: speculative gossip versus malicious gossip.

The above statements were submitted by Erin.Esposito on Sun, 07/12/2009 to the National Association
of the Deaf and while her focus was on how the deaf community misses out on important information by not hearing office gossip, I think her statements can have other interpretations.

Today, as the concept of bullying is in the headlines, especially for teens, we have to look at the boundaries. And, we can't ignore that more subtle bullying can happen anywhere that malicious gossip exists.

When does strategic gossip become malicious?
When are we sharing important information and when are we being mean or hurtful?
What do you do when you hear malicious gossip? Do you confront it? Ignore it? Or, do you join it?

Life is 10% of what happens – 90% of how you deal with it!

2010-10-16T06:58:00.000-07:00

We all experience set backs in life - both big and small.

Some of the most difficult are the ones where someone we trust, love or care about, lets us down in a big way. The way we deal with these setbacks will have a great impact on our Self Improvement and success.

It’s critical to remember that it is not the actual obstacles and problems themselves that determine our results. What really matters is how we react and respond to our obstacles and problems. We have the power to choose our responses and decide how much energy to put forth.

Sometimes we hold on to challenges as an excuse not to move forward in life. Sometimes we just can’t let go out of pride or anger and a need to be right or at least justified.

Please note, there is no suggestion that you should give in to other’s unrealistic or unfair demands or that you should not assert your rights. However, is important to know what it is you’re standing up for and why.

What are some of the things in your life that you need to let go of or that you just need to respond to in a more positive manner?

10-10-10

2010-10-10T15:10:00.000-07:00

One take on 10-10-10 From my "Taking the High Road..." presentation

10-10-10

When you are faced with a difficult situation and want to respond with anger or revenge, ask yourself....

How much will this matter in ...

10 minutes or hours

10 days

10 weeks or months

I need to do this every time I drive in NYC. I find myself wanting to say or do untoward things. But thinking in the longer term helps me be true to myself instead of being like those to whom I wish to gesture.

After all, I don't want to look back and regret the way I acted. I want to look in the mirror, at the end of each day, and be proud of the person looking back. Taking the high road let's me do that. 10-10-10- helps me take the high road.

"You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

2010-10-07T19:28:00.000-07:00

"You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

Boy, is this a good one for me. I can be the queen of procrastination. Who among us hasn’t put off those things we either don’t like doing or find difficult. The problem is that whatever we are avoiding rarely just goes away.

A wise man I knew once said of problems “There are several ways to approach them. You can run away, but they generally tend to follow you. You can go around them but they still linger behind you. Or, you can confront them head on and deal with them. Only then will you know that they are not going to haunt you forever.”

I pledge to confront problems head on, do those things that challenge me most and take full responsibility today. I hope you'll do the same!

A New Start

2010-09-30T17:16:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed - I hope you've noticed, that I haven't been blogging in quite some time. Lots of things were going on for the last several months including my move to a new home in Saratoga Springs. I'm settled in now and ready to focus on Living Lily and this "I'm the Boss of Me..." blog. I hope to share some good ideas with you and get some thought provoking discussions going.

Please join me as we explore the concepts of personal leadership and responsibility. I look forward to sharing and communicating.

Gayle

Taking the High Road

2010-05-16T09:51:00.000-07:00

"Say what you mean - Mean what you say - BUT... Don't be mean when you say it!" Author Unknown

Recently I have observed many people saying what they mean, or so it seems. I'm not really sure if they mean what they are saying, or if they are frustrated and angry. What is really concerning is that so many are being mean when they it. This is certainly not becoming and it's does nothing for either the person saying it or those that are hearing it - even if the comments are not directed at them. If the recipient of the mean comments is present, it's even further damaging. Sometimes, it not repairable but at the least, it creates stress and discomfort.

I know, for myself, when I'm hurt or angry, I can be tempted to say exactly what comes to mind - without much critical thought. I've learned that saying nothing at those times is the best practice. This does not mean that I ignore problems but that I delay my response so that I can:

Say what I mean (really mean) - mean what I say and definitely not be Mean when I say it!

“When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I am living in the past.”

2010-04-11T12:55:00.000-07:00

Do you tend to worry a great deal about things that may happen in the future; particularly those things we fear may happen? Or, do you tend to spend a great deal of time going over regrets from the past?

Yes, it is important to plan for the future and learn from the past. This, however, is very different from worrying over what you cannot control or ruminating on things you can go back to change.

Rather, learn the lesson, plan on how to use it and then focus on what's happening right now. It's the only thing you really have any control over.

There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking Alfred Korzybski

2010-03-28T18:32:00.000-07:00

This quote hit me as appropriate this week as I've seen so much rhetoric in the news and received so much information from friends taking one side or another on the health care issue. I'm not going even share where I stand as that's not the purpose of this message. What has me concerned and frustrated is the lack of critical thinking on both sides - in some cases it seems the lack of thinking, at all. People seem to be "drinking the cool-aid" from whatever political party they belong to.

As a college instructor the one thing I insist on it's the development of critical thinking. What has happened to critical thinking in our society today? Rather there's name-calling, sarcasm, fear mongering, hostility and irrationality.

I've learned that very few things in life are that clear cut and certainly there is enough erroneous information around that we need to learn to sift through it and learn to think clearly and critically.

This is not just in the very hot topic of health care but so many areas where we may accept something as fact when, in fact, it is opinion. So, I encourage you to "be the boss of you" by sifting through information, check your facts and be courageous in making up your own mind!

No matter what the topic!

Critical thinking: Consists of a mental process of analyzing or evaluating information, particularly statements or propositions that people have offered as true. ..

If you think this quote will be of interest of help to a friend, please feel free to forward

"May today mark the beginning of many new joys and accomplishments..and a continuation of the good things you have already accomplished"

2010-03-21T15:50:00.000-07:00

This needs little explanation from me but since we experienced the first day of spring yesterday both on the calendar and - at least where I live - with the weather, it seems appropriate to explore all those dreams, goals and hopes we have while we also bask in those we have already achieved. Looking forward is great. Just be sure to take a moment to also see how far you have come. It makes the journey seems much less daunting.

If you have enjoyed this quote or it has touched you in some way, I would love to hear from you:

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"If you put yourself on the back burner, you may get burnt ... or burn out." Karen McMillan

2010-03-14T15:12:00.000-07:00

Do you feel guilty at the thought of taking time for you? Do all the things you need to do – mostly for others - get in the way of finding that time? Then you must learn to say NO to that guilt! It is not just a gift to yourself but it is also a gift to those you love.

You are just as deserving as others to have your needs met and to meet them yourself, when appropriate. Taking time out to care for yourself sends a message to you and the others in your life that you view yourself as important thus expecting the same from them. I think it also acts as a role model for our children at home and for employees at work. Research clearly shows that those who take care of themselves are more caring and more productive. Don’t those in your life deserve this as much as you do?

So, taking time for you if not selfish. In fact, it’s important to realize that an empty vessel has nothing to give. When you are worn out, frustrated, angry, etc. you aren’t giving in a way that is caring and helpful. Rather it creates significant unhappiness, a low sense of self and underlying feelings of resentment.

Are you afraid those in your life will react when you begin to take time for you? As you learn to see this time as essential - and it is – you will not feel the need to defend your need or justify your actions. In fact, you are not as indispensable as others – and even you – think you are. Some in you life may even find they can do for themselves things you thought only you could do. A gift to you and to them! Making time to eat right, get exercise and even getting enough sleep will ultimately benefit all involved.

What are the things you’ve been neglecting? What do you need to do to claim some time to attend to these things. What might you need to say no to in order to find this time? Make a commitment, this week, to identify at least one thing you want or need to do – just for you. Tell those that need to know that you plan to take care of you.

Then….DO IT! No excuses! No procrastination! See how it feels! I think you’ll like it.

“Success is only another form of failure if we forget what our priorities should be.” Harry Lloyd

2010-03-07T16:38:00.000-08:00

Despite what we’ve been told and would like to think, we can’t do it all and we can’t have it all. At least we can’t do it all or have it all at once. The struggle so many of us have is that we either want it all at once or we don’t know what our priorities are in the moment.

Without clear priorities, we often put much effort into succeeding at something that, in the long run, was not that important. Unfortunately, at the same time, we too often neglect something that was of importance.

For example, when I was working at my last job, many people told me I should doing something more with my education, etc. I even knew I wanted to do more. But, at the time, my priority was being a parent and available to my daughter. I simply didn’t want to miss the opportunity, as it wasn’t one that could be revisited once past. The job I had allowed me to do this. My priorities changed when she graduated high school and I was able put my efforts and energy into more self focused goals.

I’m not saying this is the same of all. Each of us has our own priorities. Mine is just an example. Priorities change as life changes. My challenge to you is to be sure you know what your priorities are then set your goals in the right direction.

PS: This doesn’t apply only to long-term priorities. I know if I’m not careful, I can work most of a weekend and suddenly forget that I forgot to have fun. Since, I’ve set having at least a bit of fun every weekend, I tend not to forget it nearly as often.

To My Darling Keefe

2010-02-28T07:09:00.000-08:00

Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass,

of glory in the flower,

we will grieve not,

rather find strength in what remains behind ~

I'm trying! Really I am! My Darling Keefe - on what would have been our wedding anniversary - I miss you!

In Loving Memory

2010-02-27T11:02:00.000-08:00

To my Darling Keefe,

Today, my sweet, you would have turned 58 and tomorrow would have been our wedding anniversary. I can hardly believe it's a bit over seven years that you've been gone. There is so much I wish you were here to share. While some days it feels like just yesterday that you were here with us - it has also been a life time - in fact two life times; those of the most beautiful, precious grand babies that you would have loved, spoiled and cherished - Kennedy and McKenna. We will all tell them about their "Papa- Keefe", but I know how much they will miss by not really knowing you. I grieve for that as much as I grieve for my own loss.

Today I looked back at the card I gave you when you asked me to marry you. I realize it says, to this day, my deepest feelings about the man I so cherish and remember with the most incredible emotion.

I Love you
from a place far deeper
than the bottom of my heart
a place so deep inside
that it must be the inner core
of my being
the place where my heart
meets my mind and my soul,
where you've find the very essence of me-
The spirit that makes me alive.

This is the place that you reach
when you touch me,
and from this place,
I respond to you like no other.

It's where your voice travels
and speaks love to my soul
in a way that's only meant for me.

My love - that is a place in my heart belongs only to you, for now and ever. I love you and miss you so very much. Until the day we are again united....
Your "True Companion"

Goldstar

2010-02-27T08:39:00.000-08:00

Goldstar: "Check out this site I found called Goldstar. They have half-price tickets and member reviews of concerts, sports, theater and more.
I'm already a member! https://www.goldstar.com/join?p=F1257539RB"

2010-02-22T05:14:00.001-08:00

“I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude." Unknown
What choices are making in your attitude this Monday morning?

Cherish forever what makes you unique, 'cuz you're really a yawn if it goes. Bette Midler

2010-02-21T18:08:00.000-08:00

We see it in the magazines, on TV, in ads, etc. It seems everyone and everything tells us who to be, what to be. They tell us how to dress, what's cool and what's not.

It's not easy to take your own road or to dare to be different. Bette Midler knows this and has certainly taken the risk to be her own person. If you really look at those who are successful, they tend to be risk takers. They are able to stand up to the status quo.

What do you want to be or to do that you are holding back? How often do you think too long about what others think rather than what you think? I'm not suggesting you do things just for the sake of being different. Just be sure you are being genuine to who you are and allowing your uniqueness.

Treasure your uniqueness!

Your uniqueness IS you!

"There comes that mysterious meeting in life when someone acknowledges who we are and what we can be, igniting the circuits of our highest potential."

2010-02-14T15:35:00.000-08:00

On Valentine’s Day, I thought a quote about friendship would be appropriate. To me the above quote defines real friendship. Yes, that person we love to shop with or go to a game with is likely a friend. The person you can share your secrets with is a friend. But that friend who sees you – all of you – and is willing to show you the best of you – is truly the friend who is invaluable. For several years, I found that friend in my love – Keefe. Having someone being your lover and best friend is an amazing gift.

In the past years, I’ve been fortunate to find some new friends who are my Yay-Sayers; my cheerleaders and my confidants. They keep me going when I struggle to see the potential or when I just feel down. I know who they are and I’ve learned to seek them out. For this I am so fortunate and so very appreciative.

My valentine may no longer be with me in this world but he showed me what friendship is and this has allowed me to recognize the best when I find it. In return my goal is to be the same kind of friend to them.

To those who sustain me and ignite my highest potential – Thank you – all I accomplish will belong to you as well.

2010-02-13T18:39:00.000-08:00

"Remember, the greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree, but in the hearts of true friends. --" Cindy Lew

Today I find gratitude in my friends - those at a distance who are really not more than a phone call away when needed and those I can see face to face and who lift me up when I need it. They are my cheerleaders and yay-sayers. My goal is to be as good a friend in return! I will work on that daily.

2010-02-13T18:37:00.001-08:00

“Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.” Mark Twain

2010-02-07T17:28:00.001-08:00

Go SAINTS! GO SAINTS!!!!!

The game of life is a lot like football - You have to tackle your problems - Block your fears, and - Score points when you get the opportunity. Aut

2010-02-07T17:06:00.000-08:00

I just had to choose a football quote today - seemed appropriate. And, I really do like this quote and think it speaks to so many, whether you are simply tackling every day challenges or taking on something new and perhaps a bit frightening. How many times do you let fear keep us from trying something new or taking a risk for something we really want? How many times do we punt when we really could score points with just a bit more effort and a lot more confidence?

I know in the past, I've punted more often than I would have liked. I gave up when things got too challenging. I didn't take those risks that would lead me to where I really wanted to be. Yes, there are times when we need to punt because the likely consequence is more than I'm willing to experience. Yet today, I find myself going for it more often and I'm learning that it's almost always worth it - even when I don't quite get that "touch down". Rather, I learn something that I'll use in my next opportunity.

But just as in football, going it alone is not generally going to get the results you want. Life is a team sport, whether it's getting in the huddle for help in decision making or having someone have your back when you're taking that risk.

So, get your team together, tackle whatever problems or fears are getting in the way of getting what you want. Then go score those points and save the punting for only those times when there really is no other good choice.

2010-02-07T09:00:00.001-08:00

SAVE THE DATE ~ Book launching and PARTY ~ Saratoga Trunk ~ March 4th, 4:30pm - 7:00pm ~ Fun ~ Food ~ Drink ~ Suprises!

Please join the fun and let me share with your the often humorous yet but so profound and enlightening Pearls From My Tante

2010-02-05T17:45:00.001-08:00

If Being Ambitious Makes Me a Bitch â�� Please Capitalize the â��Bâ�� http://ping.fm/XS3ZB

2010-01-31T17:57:00.001-08:00

Say what you mean, mean what you say, but... don't be mean when you say what you mean. Author Unknown
We all want to be heard and we like to have our wants and needs met. How we go about it can make so much difference to us and to the person with whom we are communicating.

Assertiveness allows you to let others know, clearly and with confidence, what you feel, need, want and think, while being respectful and maintaining your own class.

Being aggressive involves attacks, humiliation, blame and inconsideration for those around us. In fact a truly aggressive people take some pleasure in making others uncomfortable.

This is applicable in both our personal and business communication. How easy it is, especially when stress or frustrated to say something we will regret later. Whether it's with a child, our partner or a colleague, at best it makes things uncomfortable. At worst, we can seriously damage a relationship.

Most importantly, while it takes effort, saying what you mean, meaning what you say and not being mean when you say it - let's you look in the mirror at the end of the day and like the person you see.

Say what you mean, mean what you say, but... don't be mean when you say what you mean. Author Unknown

2010-01-31T17:33:00.000-08:00

We all want to be heard and we like to have our wants and needs met. How we go about it can make so much difference to us and to the person with whom we are communicating.

Assertiveness allows you to let others know, clearly and with confidence, what you feel, need, want and think, while being respectful and maintaining your own class.

Being aggressive involves attacks, humiliation, blame and inconsideration for those around us. In fact a truly aggressive people take some pleasure in making others uncomfortable.

This is applicable in both our personal and business communication. How easy it is, especially when stress or frustrated to say something we will regret later. Whether it's with a child, our partner or a colleague, at best it makes things uncomfortable. At worst, we can seriously damage a relationship.

Most importantly, while it takes effort, saying what you mean, meaning what you say and not being mean when you say it - let's you look in the mirror at the end of the day and like the person you see.

BACK TO GARDEN - WOODSTOCK REMEMBERED

2010-01-24T15:32:00.000-08:00

Note: I wrote this in early Fall but had not started my blog yet. In discussing, with a friend, some of the important issues of growing up, I realized I wanted to share this for those of you who have not seen it and especially for those of you who have heard about Woodstock but were too young to really KNOW.

__________________________

There was a small festival in Bethel NY, this past summer. While I wasn’t able to attend - wish I could have – all the talk of Woodstock had my memories flowing. Add to this, the fact that this summer was also my 40^th high school reunion. Woodstock was the summer after my graduation. I find myself having difficulty describing what it was like to come of age during that time – especially to those too young to really remember.

While I had (and still have, framed) a ticket from Woodstock, I didn’t actually go to the Woodstock Festival. Rather, the Woodstock Festival came to me - and to all of us living in Sullivan County at the time.

I grew up in a conservative family and then suddenly I was thrust into a world that I’d only read about and even then, briefly. My first awareness that something serious was afoot was the traffic. I was driving to my summer job and crossed over Route 17. The cars were stopped for as far as I could see. My first thought was that there must be a horrible accident. Then, as I entered Monticello I noticed a large influx of people in what was still considered unconventional garb – or as they came to be labeled – hippies. They were everywhere and so many more to come.

I did get to “the site’ over the weekend. I don’t remember too much about the music as I was simply awed by the sights - the people, the children, and the entire atmosphere. Most of the recent media coverage has been about the actual Woodstock site. What is not noted, as much is that the impact of this festival was felt throughout the entire county – especially Monticello NY. People were camping on the courthouse lawn – some in tents, some just with sleeping bags and some not even with those. They were camping just about anywhere there was some space.

Of course, there were some residents who were appalled and even decided to make money off those without food and water - $ 1.00 for a glass of water - ugh. However, even some of the most conservative members of the community found that some of their stereotypes were inaccurate. One of those people was my own father. My dad was in law enforcement and would take a second, part time job in the summer as a security guard, at a resort, just down the road from the actual site. There were, of course people camping all along the road. I found out later, that my dad was taking food and water to some of then each day. He even allowed them to go up to the resort – one at a time – to use a bathroom and clean up. Way to go DAD!

The one thing that is so very accurate is that those coming into town for this festival were friendly, passive and created absolutely no disturbances. A friend and I decided to take some sandwiches to those at the courthouse. We spent the afternoon talking to them and received more than one invitation to leave our conservative lifestyles and join communes.

What I didn’t realize, at the time, is that this was the beginning of a year in which most of my life views would be challenged. It began a year of amazing events and changes (Kent State, marches on Washington, riots on campus). Again, another experience that’s difficult to put into words but I’ll try – at another time.

To decide, to be at the level of choice, is to take responsibility for your life and to be in control of your life. Abbie M Dale

2010-01-24T14:00:00.000-08:00

One of the freedoms we all have is to make choices. We make choices every day. We choose whether to eat well or grab that donut. We choose whether to go to the gym or home right after work.

What about you?

Taking action

2010-01-23T10:17:00.000-08:00

I've talked about taking action, in the past. Today, I had a great lesson in this. Action is not enough - rather one must take intentional action. I've been flailing about - working on my business but without the needed direction.

I almost didn't go the chamber meeting this morning. I was cozy in my bed and 7:30 meetings are not my favorite. Not sure exactly what got me up - maybe it we simple desperation or a subtle message from a higher power. Then, I spoke up and asked for help - not something I do easily. And, guess what happened then...I got some of the best feedback and direction from just about everyone in the room. I got encouragement and validation as well. And, I know have the start to a plan and the motivation to get a real plan for making this work.

Here are some things I am going to do:

My last day of full time employment will be no later than the end of may 2011.
I will work with a planner to manage my debt and finances
I will develop a one page business plan
I will do at least one thing everyday to promote my business

I'm sure I'll add to this list - but for only 1/2 way through the morning, this is a pretty good start.

Onward and upward!

No is a Complete Sentence!

2010-01-19T17:51:00.000-08:00

“I learned that we can do anything, but we can’t
do everything…at least not at the same time.”
Dan Millman, World Champion Athlete, Coach, Bestselling Author

Guess what!

Despite what we’ve been told and would like to think, we can’t do it all and we can’t have it all.

Or at least as the quote above states:

We can’t have it all at once.

But, how many of us try, every day, to be all to everyone and do it all ourselves?

What is the result?

Frustration?
Anger?
Despair?

At best we can feel like we are running on a gerbil wheel. We rarely feel like we have it all under
control and if we do, this feeling is all too fleeting,
as life intervenes.

More to do! More to do!

What are you doing that you don’t want to or don’t need to do?
Do you struggle to get the important things done while you’re doing things that aren’t important to you?
Do you even know what’s important to you?
What drives your passion?
When is the last time you took a few moments to think about this?

Please note that I am saying important to you as opposed to important to others.

So often, we are in such a rush and so overwhelmed, that we haven’t taken the time to
take a good look at what we are doing and why.

When is the last time you did this?

Take some time to decide what matters; to you!

"When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I am living in the past." Author Unkown

2010-01-17T16:10:00.000-08:00

I can't believe how true this is for me and so many people I talk to. We can so easily obsess over what could happen, might happen, may happen. We can also obsess on and hang on to regrets over what has happened. This is not to say we can't learn from the past and plan for the future but too much focus on either is not productive and provides little peace.

Too often we spend time looking so to the future, we forget about today. A friend of mine referred to this as the amusement park syndrome. When you get to the amusement park, you can't wait to go on your favorite ride. But once on it, you can see another ride that looks fun and all you can think about is getting on it. You forget to enjoy the ride you're on.

I've learned, through some very unexpected events, that I cannot control the future. The plans I have today may need to be significantly altered tomorrow. I have two experiences that highlight this. One where there is regret for what was not said while the opportunity existed and one where I am so very grateful that all was said and no regrets were needed.

So, I remind myself again, that I must focus on what is happening right now. I need to rest when tired. I need to do what needs doing. I need to have a bit of fun and be grateful for all those things that are good. I need to forgive what needs to be forgiven and care for those who need caring.

Most of all - I need to tell those I love that I love them - today, for tomorrow is uncertain.

What do you need to do today so there will be no need for regrets no matter what tomorrow brings.

My VIV moment

2010-01-15T15:49:00.000-08:00

As published in "VIV" Magazine this is, at least some of my story and source of my passion in helping others become the leader in their own life.

I’ve had my life figured out. I’ve had it figured out several times. Each time, life, has made plans I hadn’t counted on.

About seven years ago, I thought I finally had it all together. Again, life intervened. I was engaged, to be married, to my soul mate, my life partner and my best friend. We had plans; lots of plans. One of those plans was for me to quit my full time job and do what I’ve wanted to do – speak, train and coach! But, then life stepped in. Ten weeks before our marriage, my darling Keefe was taken from me in an auto accident involving bad weather and black ice.

My personal life was turned upside down, as was my financial life. With a mortgage and a child in college, quitting my full time job was no longer a responsible choice. I’m not generally the kind to give up. In fact, when confronted by resistance, I often dig in my heels and get quite stubborn. However, in this case, I came close, more than once, to giving up; my dream of my own career and even my dream of a happy future. Fortunately, I have friends and loved ones who didn’t see this as acceptable. With their encouragement and support, I started to see choices. I could choose to be miserable (perhaps the easy way out and many would not have blamed me). Or, I could take the gifts of a great and empowering relationship and create a life. Perhaps, it won’t be the life I’d initially planned but it can still be the life that I choose to make it. It is this choice that I have now embarked on. To do otherwise, would, most of all, let myself down but also it would not honor the faith and believe that my beloved Keefe, my cheerleader and partner, had in me.

Out of this insanity, came clarity, so strong, that I’ve added to my passion a need to share what I’ve discovered. There is always a choice! It may not be a first choice or the one we’d hoped for. If we believe there is no choice at all, we cease to thrive and, at best, simply survive. I’ve always talked about this, with friends and with my clients. Now for the first time, I truly learned to live it. Survival, for me, is not enough. I intend to thrive and I intend to share that message.

This new found passion and clarity is wonderful but it does come with fears and anxieties. I’ve always had a job that gave me a steady and counted on income. I’ve always known where I was going each morning. My life was predictable. I am afraid of not having enough money to cover my needs as well as my wants, when the full time job is let go. I’m afraid of becoming a burden to my only child, if I don’t take care of my financial needs. I’m sure there are those that think I’m crazy to take these risks at this point in my life. I’ve confronted those fears by surrounding myself with
Yay-sayers and avoiding Nay-sayers. I've learned who will help light the fires under me again when I falter. Support, from those that believe in me and encourage me, is my most valued asset. I also, confront my fears by getting moving. When I feel most anxious, I do the most work. Every step forward, even if a very small one, gives me the desire and energy to take the next step, whatever it may be. I refuse to allow myself to sit and dwell. Negative thoughts that are allowed to fester only become greater than their actuality. So, when I start thinking about all the things that could, maybe, someday happen, I start doing something to offset those possibilities.

Lastly but perhaps most importantly, I confront my fears by looking at my choices, getting the best feedback and support and always taking responsibility for my choices. You see, when I make well thought out choices, it is freeing but it also makes me responsible for the outcome. So, I choose how to respond. I choose how to behave and I even choose how to feel about things by choosing how to interpret them. For, me life keeps coming back to the concept of choices.

Today, I choose to dream and then I choose to take one step at a time to make that dream come true. And, while doing this I believe that I pay tribute not just to myself but to the man, Keefe, who was the first and the loudest adult in my life to tell me I can do anything I set my mind to do.

with gratitude and hope

2010-01-14T18:32:00.000-08:00

I've recently noticed several people talk about how they hope 2010 will be better than 2009. I'll admit that I have ambitious goals for 2010 but first, I want to look with gratitude at 2009.

In 2009 have made some wonderful new friends. I attended my high school reunion and reconnected with some great old friends. I cherish all my friends and the positive impact they have on me daily.

I completed my first book - Pearls From My Tante: Life lessons you won't learn in the classroom. I'm so grateful to my Tante Sekie for being my inspiration and the source of so many of the life lessons I use every day - and now share with the world. I'm grateful that she is still with us so I can continue to learn from her. (I may have to write a second edition in the future). Her love is boundless and sustains me when I'm most in need.

I have a job I like and a contract through 2010. This is definitely a good thing.

I've seen Barack Obama inaugurated as president. I worked on the campaign for Scott Murphy and saw him win - taking the place of Kirsten Gillibrand who is now our Senator for NY.

In August, I spent time in Virginia Beach with my best friend Julia (or sister as only a chosen sister can be) and her family. In November, I was able to attend the 80th birthday for her dad, Dick, who is one of the greatest guys I know. I'm grateful for the entire Blackmer family who have included me, so generously in their family events for about 35 years now.
Perhaps the best of all is my wonderful grand babies. My darling Kennedy turned two on June 26th - three days after her sister, McKenna was born on June 23rd. They are healthy, happy and just the lights of my life. Their existence can make my day each time I see them or even just think about the. What a blessing!

My daughter (Dania) and her husband (John) are happy and healthy. They are also the best mommy and daddy my grand babies could possibly have. I go to sleep every night know that those two precious girls are loved, safe and so well taken care of. How lucky am I?

Please share some of your gratitude from the past year.

I'm the Boss of Me - Leading Your Own Life (c)

That's just the way I am! What a crock!

Everything happens for a reason. Really?

A Single Hand Over a Single Heart

What does WEALTH mean to you?

· How do you define wealth?

· Has your definition changed over the years?

· When will you have "enough"?

Living Well by Doing Well: or making money while making a difference

Need a Theme Song

Ok - I need your help. I want to choose a theme song for my message - I have a few ideas:Born this Way _ Lady GaGaFirework - Lady GaGaJust Stand Up - Beyonce...Get on Your Feet - Gloria EstefanWhich do you like best? Any other suggestions?

Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain. - Author Unknown

I AM the Boss of Me - Avoiding negativity by taking responsiblity!

Bias VS Critical Thinking

New Beginnings

Not being able to govern events, I govern myself. ~Michel de Montaigne

Take what you need and leave the rest!

"When we blame, we give away our power" Greg Anderson

"Actions have consequences...first rule of life. And the second rule is this: You are the only one responsible for your own actions." - Holly Lisle

Take the High Road - There's usually less traffic there!

My Darling Keefe,

“When we get too caught up in the busyness of the world, we lose connection with one another - and ourselves” Jack Kornfield

A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”

Lost Lives: The Illusion of Rules: by Darrell G. King

"Freedom is Nothing Else but a Chance to be Better" - Albert Camus

To decide, to be at the level of choice,

“Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.”

Blame VS Responsiblity

"Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right." Oprah Winfrey

When Strangling is NOT an option - Take the High Road - There's usually less traffic there!

Speculative Gossip VS Malicious Gossip

Life is 10% of what happens – 90% of how you deal with it!

10-10-10

"You can’t escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

A New Start

Taking the High Road

“When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I am living in the past.”

There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking Alfred Korzybski

"May today mark the beginning of many new joys and accomplishments..and a continuation of the good things you have already accomplished"

"If you put yourself on the back burner, you may get burnt ... or burn out." Karen McMillan

“Success is only another form of failure if we forget what our priorities should be.” Harry Lloyd

To My Darling Keefe

Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass,

of glory in the flower,

we will grieve not,

rather find strength in what remains behind ~

I'm trying! Really I am! My Darling Keefe - on what would have been our wedding anniversary - I miss you!

In Loving Memory

Goldstar

Cherish forever what makes you unique, 'cuz you're really a yawn if it goes. Bette Midler

"There comes that mysterious meeting in life when someone acknowledges who we are and what we can be, igniting the circuits of our highest potential."

The game of life is a lot like football - You have to tackle your problems - Block your fears, and - Score points when you get the opportunity. Aut

Say what you mean, mean what you say, but... don't be mean when you say what you mean. Author Unknown

BACK TO GARDEN - WOODSTOCK REMEMBERED

To decide, to be at the level of choice, is to take responsibility for your life and to be in control of your life. Abbie M Dale

Taking action

No is a Complete Sentence!

"When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I am living in the past." Author Unkown

My VIV moment

with gratitude and hope

Ok - I need your help. I want to choose a theme song for my message - I have a few ideas:

Born this Way _ Lady GaGa
Firework - Lady GaGa
Just Stand Up - Beyonce
...Get on Your Feet - Gloria Estefan

Which do you like best? Any other suggestions?